


Unconfessed Confessions

by sunkelles



Category: Legend of the Seeker (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Richard Cypher, Discussions of sex, Episode: s01e08 Denna, F/M, Relationship Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23457859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/pseuds/sunkelles
Summary: At the beginning of Episode 8, Richard and Kahlan have a conversation about why Kahlan can't be with him. Richard asks why they can't just, like, not have sex.
Relationships: Kahlan Amnell/Richard Cypher
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Unconfessed Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. i have no idea what i'm getting into, posting fic for a show from 2008 that i've literally only seen 8 episodes of but here we go XD  
> 2\. i've been watching this show at the urging of a friend during COVID19 prime time hours, and it's really fun! this is quarantine fic number 6, maybe?  
> 3\. i know that allos are... different than those of us on the ace spectrum, so "just don't have sex" might not be the Be All End All advice that it feels like to me, but like... if RICHARD was ace, i think that would be the perfect solution to this problem. just saying  
> 4\. he's biromantic and there's nothing you can do about it. i have just arrived and i'm ready to rub my gay ace hands all over  
> 5\. speaking of rubbing my gay ace hands on things, it looks like the most popular kahlan pairing is with another girl? i might need to come back with some FEMSLASH Y'ALL. it is my writing trademark after all

“This has something to do with what happened last night, doesn’t it?” Richard asks. He thinks back to the kiss. He vividly remembers Kahlan pulling away as if her lips were burned, and shaking her head, muttering something about how they can’t. 

He wanted to give her space, but if she’s going to run away- he shakes his head. No, he can’t let that happen. If she doesn’t want this, that's fine. They can still work something out. He can back off, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t stay _friends_ , right? They still have a world to save. She can’t just leave. 

“No,” Kahlan says. 

“Confessors may be good at reading people, but you’re not good at lying. Kahlan, I’m sorry I kissed you. I won’t do it again if it upset you. But you kissed me back.” 

“That was a mistake,” she says. He can normally tell when Kahlan is lying, but this doesn’t sound like one. That’s concerning. 

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have the same feelings for me that I have for you.” 

“I don’t have any feelings for you,” she says. He feels like she’s knocked the wind out of him, and that’s when she deals the killing blow. 

“And I never will.” The words are cruel, but they don’t sound true. They just _can’t_ be. 

“You don’t mean that,” he says. His voice is shaky, but he’s able to force the words out. She _can’t_ mean that. Kahlan hasn’t just aided him in his role as the Seeker- she’s come to know him, as he’s come to know her. She can’t feel _nothing_ for him. Maybe it’s platonic, but her heart is not a barren wasteland. Kahlan has known too much pain and shown him her heart too many times for him to believe so. 

Tears form in her eyes then, and she turns away. He takes a step forward, but then thinks better of whatever physical contact he was going to initiate. He doesn’t want Kahlan to be any angrier at him than she already is. 

“Do you want to really want to know the truth,” she asks, her voice as shaky as a leaf in the wind. 

Richard says, “Yeah. That’s exactly what I just asked for.” Kahlan lets out a nervous little giggle, and turns around. There’s a blush on her cheek. 

“I guess you’re right,” she says, “that _is_ what you asked for.” 

“I need a minute to gather my thoughts,” she says. Richard nods, and follows her through the trees, over to the fallen tree where they’d sit earlier. 

“So," he says, "what’s the issue?” 

"I do have feelings for you. That's the issue."

"That sounds like the opposite of a problem," he says. Boy likes girl girl likes boy. How complicated could it be making things work from there?

"A Confessor’s power is always there,” she says, “if we were to take these feelings to their extent, well, in a moment of… pleasure. I might accidentally unleash it on you. Then you’d be confessed. That would be the end of it.” That startles him for a moment. Him? Confessed? Just like that sniveling little thief that followed Kahlan around like a puppy before he’d died. He feels his face scrunch in confusion. 

“How would that happen?” Richard asks. The idea is terrifying, yes, but by the time that Kahlan got to the Confessed part- he’d kind of lost track of how she said they’d get there. 

“Sex, Richard!” Kahlan says, sounding exhausted. Oh, if Kahlan were lost in _that_ pleasure, then she’d confess him. Well. That’s easy enough to avoid. Actually, avoiding it makes his life easier. The idea of Kahlan’s terror actually makes him laugh a little, and then it builds as he keeps thinking about how absurd this situation is. 

“We can just _not_ have sex, Kahlan!” he says, and he can feel the laughter growing hysterical. The solution to this problem is so simple it makes him want to _cry_. 

“This isn’t funny, Richard!” Kahlan hisses. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “it’s just. This is a non-issue, right?” 

“No,” Kahlan says, her eyes wide and frustrated, “if we don’t suppress this, it will be a _major_ issue.” She shakes her head. 

“When we kissed. I almost wasn’t able to stop myself.”

“From having sex with me? Right there by the tree?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. He knows that most people like sex- are generally more interested in the idea of it than he is. But that just- it sounds a little insane. How could one kiss prompt a reaction like _that?_

But then again, his feelings for her seemed to go from not knowing her to intense over the course of a few days, so maybe he would feel the same if he weren’t so indifferent to sex. Kahlan sends him a look like he’s grown a second head, and maybe a third one on top of that just for good measure. 

“Have you never had sex before?” she asks, sounding shocked. 

“No, I have,” he says. He’s a little insulted by that implication. 

“Then how could you-” she looks ready to tear her hair out, “how could you not understand that things just _happen_ !” _Things just happen,_ she says. That sounds just like his first girlfriend, who broke off their first passionate kiss because she was terrified it would lead to more, and then started kissing him again because she was more terrified that she’d stop.

All of the people that he’s ever tried things with acted like sex was some sort of need, instead of just a mildly pleasant activity. 

“Sex is fine,” Richard says. 

“Fine?” Kahlan asks, raising her eyebrows, “I’m not sure you’ve ever had any _good_ sex.” 

“I think I’ve had enough of it by now I can judge for myself,” Richard says, turning away from Kahlan to look out into the woods. He’s a bit peeved that she’d doubt him on this. Everyone else always has, but this is Kahlan. He’s supposed to be able to trust her. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, “it’s just. Kind of shocking to hear that. I thought that everyone wanted that. A few of the other Confessors I know prefer women, but they still. Well.” _They still have sex,_ he thinks. They still want things beyond kissing. Beyond holding hands and holding someone close and just knowing that someone loves you, more than anyone else in the world. 

“Are you sure that you don’t prefer men?” she asks gently. Richard shakes his head. 

“Trust me, I’ve tried,” he says, “didn’t change anything.” He'd really liked the boy that he dated, but the physical reaction didn't change at all. Kahlan blushes. 

“Oh,” she says. 

“And you’re sure that the feelings you have for me are real?” she asks. 

"Kahlan," he says, "I've never been surer of something in my life." She smiles a little.

"And how do you know that?" she asks, smiling wryly. Richard rolls his eyes. 

"Now you're just fishing," he says. Kahlan sends him a knowing smile, one that says _yeah, so? Keep going, dummy._

“Alright then," he says. He takes a moment to try to find the words to describe this burst of feelings.

"Just being around you makes me want to be a better person,” he says, “I don't know, I think it's that you believe in me." He smiles as he thinks about it. Even though Richard is the one making the impulsive decisions, Kahlan still believes that he can make these things work- and she knows how to temper him so he doesn't get himself killed on a daily basis. 

"I’ve never trusted anyone more, or cared more about their opinion.” He feels at home with Kahlan, but at the same time excited by her. Like every day is a new adventure. He would trust her with his life. Honestly, if it came down to it, he thinks that he’d trust her with his free will too. He would never tell her that, because he knows how much Kahlan's Confessor powers scare her as it is, but he would. He wouldn't be able to stop himself. 

She smiles softly as she says, “You make me want to be better too.” He feels a smile cross his face as he takes her hands in his. 

“Then there’s no reason to worry,” he says, “we can be together.” He finds her smiling right back at her. 

“You’re really sure about this?” she asks, “we might not even be able to kiss.” He remembers her fears about not being able to stop when they got kissing, and he can see why that would be a concern.

“I promise you, I can handle that,” he says. He does like kissing, but he likes Kahlan more. If being with her means no kissing, that’s a price he can pay. 

“Are you really sure?” she asks, “some other girl, she could give you a normal relationship. This- we could never have children of our own.” Sure, Richard wants kids someday, but they don't have to be children of his own body. 

“I’m adopted,” he says, “I wouldn’t mind doing the same. You’re more important.” It’s not as though they didn’t already adopt Ren. They could manage- he knows it. 

He’s actually a little glad to hear this from Kahlan. He never hated sex or anything, but all of the people that he’s ever been with made it into this huge thing, and it was always just passable to him. He would never give up an opportunity to be with Kahlan forever to do something that he’s indifferent about with someone else. 

Kahlan smiles then, and she lies her head on his shoulder. 

“You’re important too, you know,” 

“Not just as the seeker,” she says, “but as Richard. I would have protected another seeker, but I wouldn’t have loved him.” Richard feels his heart speed up like a horse that's started galloping. 

He kisses her on the forehead, and takes in the feeling of her body against his. In all the relationships he’s ever had, this is the most intimate he’s ever felt with someone- just the most amazing woman in the world, lying her head on his shoulder. 

How could he ever need more than that? 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope that you're staying safe and healthy wherever you are, friends!


End file.
